She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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