I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
