We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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