i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
