Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
