I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
