Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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