You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
