Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love you. Go after that dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize