you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
