doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
