ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
