Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
