Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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