Sry I called you an 8
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i think my cat just said my name.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
