her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
