ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
