my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
