my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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