I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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