A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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