Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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