she was so not down for the gang bang
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
