I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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