Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
