When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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