And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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