All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize