Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
