i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
