It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize