Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
