DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
