That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize