Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
