When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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