we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
