Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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