Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
