Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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