I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
