I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
