I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
