Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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