is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
