i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
