I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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