were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
