we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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