Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
