i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
