guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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