worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't deserve a penis
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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