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• (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  It would have only made it one day at my place.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  We still getting married? Or were you day drinking

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees

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