meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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