watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
