Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
