We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
