shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
