Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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