if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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