i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i've created a new STD.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize