She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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