Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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