My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
