just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
