You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
