A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
