ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
