i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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