Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
