Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize