Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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